Beautiful Butterfly

Funny! What with the human beings nowadays? Does it always have to take a God-send major disasters to rip down the barrier between race, religions,rich and poor? But in disasters, help were always being sabotage by some group of people. Why?

In Asia’s Dec2004 Tsunami, not all the money,foods and supplies donated reached the devastated people affected by the catatsrophic phenomenon. I believe much of the donations were taken by people on top…ie the government,people who do not deserve it. I watched with angered of news in television of a man in India washing his house with clean water while many others were crying for clean water to drink. I am sorry to say but this is what is happening. Even Kofi Annan,Secretary General of United Nations criticised some major power countries of not contributing enough. He has to stressed too that many countries donated short of what is being pledge.

In Guatemala landslide recently, villagers have to seached for survivors with their bare hands simply because they are the abandoned group of people,low class I’ll say.

Then there is the earthquake in Pakistan two weeks ago that kills more than 30,000 across three countries. If the earthquake has not done enough damaged, the coming cold winter is going to take more lives of those without food,clothes and shelters. Rural areas separted by mountains made it hard for helicopters to reached and we have to read distressed stories of people crying for help. One being a father walking twelve hours in cold and hunger with only the clothes on his body to reached the city for help to be send to his three daughters who were still in the village only to learn that no one listens. We also heard of women in Pakistan who would not allow men doctors to treat them because of their religion and the government that accept India’s help for helicopter but not the pilots because India and Pakistan is still in war over Kashmir. Is the war more important than sending help to your people? Also, Al-Qaeda second in command urge all Muslims and Islamic charity organisations to lend a help but what is he doing about it? Hello….Al-Qaeda,please stop all the terrorists work.

TheStar newspaper reporter SHAHANAAZ HABIB quoted," The unfortunate truth is that politics can get in the way of humanity and saving lives.   

In Aceh, two weeks after the tsunami, I left with a chill in my heart.   

In Pakistan, my heart bled."

When are we going to see humans through the hearts regardless of race and religions? It’s all in the mind. Take away the race, religions and materialism and we’ll see the purest heart and souls of all.

I’m back. Time passes so fast when you’re enjoying yourself and before you know it, it’s time to go home but this time, though I enjoyed my holiday I look forward to going home because I missed my baby so much.

This is the second time I am flying alone but this is the first time I am experiencing a cancelled flight upon reaching Schipol airport,Amsterdam for my connecting flight to Paris. It was 5am in the morning and most shops and counters were not open yet. A bit lost, I asked three guys who were looking at the flight screen and they were also supposed to be in the same flight. They suggested to go to the boarding room where our flight is cancelled but the custom officer directed me to the transfer desk.

At the transfer desk,there were already many people waiting to be put on the next available flight and one man was arguing with the lady saying that he missed a very important meeting to a point that the lady threatened him that she’ll call for security guard. Luckily most of us were put into the next flight, two hours apart from our supposed flight. Upon reaching the Gauille de Paris airport, one chinese man from the same flight who works in France for five years asked if I need help and he accompany me to the main train station where he is supposed to catch his next train. 

He thought I am from China and was worried that I came alone without knowing how to get to my hotel and not knowing French but I was more worried that he is a conned man because you’re supposed to be careful with stranger who treats you nice. He wrote in french on a piece of paper for the hotel name to be shown to the taxi driver with his mobile number and name but I was sure that I could get to the hotel by subway. I told him I would be fine but he didn’t leave so finally I took his advice to take the taxi. He even offer to pay half the taxi cost but I never take it.

I managed to get to my husband’s room by just telling the hotel staff that I am the wife. My husband was still in discussion with his customer so I did a half day tour by myself. My husband managed to close the contract with the customer so he was so happy and he decided to eat a good dinner with me. After that, we walked to Arc de Triumphe which is very near to our hotel. We also walked near Eiffel Tower to take a close up picture when we saw a monument and he joked that it looked like a ’shit’ not knowing it is the monument for Diana. Below that highway was where the accident happened. There were notes on pillars but it doesn’t look like it was well kept.

The next day we took the subway to our next hotel with all our baggages and we did some discovering by getting lost before figuring how the routes work and viola, it’s so easy after that. All you have to do is buy the one day trip ticket and discovering Paris is so easy. Our second hotel is so much cheaper than the first but the room is not much different from the first except there is no lift,no porter,lounge and other services like the 4-star hotel but we really don’t need all those. Moreover we have a nice balcony overlooking the street so we can see people’s lifestyle from above. Talk about high living expenses,Paris is definitely not cheap.

Travelling alone this time gives me more time to discover Paris unlike the previous time where I followed guided tour and need to rush for time. This trip however, we can queue up and wait to get up to most of the buildings to get a panaromic view of the city like Notre Dame, Eiffel Tower(which has so long queue) and Arc de Tromphe. Travelling as student, I couldn’t afford to pay Euro97 per person for Moulin Rouge so this time however my husband said we won’t know when will be our next time here so just watch if we want to.

The queue is also very long and each show is only limited to maybe 1000seats but somehow we managed to get in. Euro97 per person comes with a bottle of champagne for two but the dancing is good provided you get to see many bare breasts. The dancers are all young and beautiful however,we won’t enjoyed seeing old breasts right? We were rushing from Eiffel Tower to Moulin Rouge so we didn’t take dinner .After finishing the whole champagne with an empty stomach, both of us were a bit dizzy. Well, the Moulin Rouge show that comes with dinner is around Euro 140 per person…so not worth it!

I’ll say two and a half days is enough to discover the essential part of Paris. The last day however things just doesn’t seem right. Edward got the flight time wrongly and luckily we left early that morning and boy,I have never rushed for a flight like that before. We were actually running with our luggages but for a busy city like Paris I guessed they are already used to it. Somehow, our flight was delayed due to traffic congestion at the runway and even the captain was annoyed that we can’t get a clear note to allow us to fly.

The delayed caused us to miss our connecting flight to Malaysia.This is also the first time that I missed a flight and like a pro,we went back to the transfer desk and this time,they can’t get us a flight back on that day but we were put on the next day’s flight. To be happy or not, we were given a hotel room near the airport with meals and a calling card for 5 minutes. However,they won’t allow us to get our check-in luggage so Edward was chilling without his jacket. Luckily, my sweater is big enough for him and I kept some clothes in the bag I carry.

Is it a blessing in disguised? We get to tour Amsterdam for half day, the buffets at the hotel has so many variety of food and it’s good, the room at the hotel is so much bigger than Paris and with bath tub….so we maximised the bath tub use. It was much more colder in Amsterdam around 11degC and the sun set and sun rise is much earlier than Paris eventhough the time zone is the same.

My husband just asked me last week whether I want to go to Paris and without hesitation I answered with a YES! Though I have been there twice when I was studying in UK once during winter for Christmas and there other during summer, I still want to go there. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been to the city of Love with my husband and I haven’t seen it in autumn but is there really that much to offer in this metropolitan? I don’t know.

Yes, the city is beautiful and at night, u see the Eiffel Tower nicely light up but then over here we have Petronas Twin Tower also. The people? Not that I am obsessed with French guys and with a country where people prefer to speak French than English but hey its cool to think that I will be celebrating my birthday with my husband in Paris…how about that? Maybe the experience as a student and as married couple would be different…definitely different when u have seen the place before.

My husband has left Paris yesterday to meet customer first and I am to join him later on Thursday. It was kinda last minute and we just booked our hotel for last two nights just yesterday and mind you…it’s so expensive! For the price of 5 star over here, we r only staying at 2 star there. The good news is I will be staying one night at 4 star hotel close to Arc de Tromphe paid by his company.

This will be my first time going oversea since I get pregnant (Singapore doesn’t count) so I am very excited. Moreover the two times I went there, I didn’t get to go up the Eiffel Tower and I am going up this time despite the bomb threat last Sunday. Hopefully like what my friend Neil said, it doesn’t come until few weeks later. I definitely don’t like the idea where the only way out is jump..like those people in WTC on Sept 11. My heart only felt heavy to leave my baby for the first time for few days.Gonna miss him so much.Hopefully I will still be able to breastfeed him when I come back.

So….PARIS,here I come!

I read with much anger that the three men connected to the murder of the 14-year-old Chinese national were acquitted without being call for defence. Not that I conclude that the three men are murderer but the Chinese boy can’t have die just like that in the swimming pool of the ex-Datuk with the hands and legs bounded and with multiple injuries found on his body. He couldn’t have just fallen or drown to death! If these three men weren’t murderer, then the real murderer is out there as a free man…..probably having his cappucino and thinking of another fun way to kill.

There were much questions unanswered in this case. 1st, the judge said the is no direct evidence to the crimes and no common intention to commit the crime. What do you call pictures of the victim bounded and kneeling down in the handphone of one of the bodyguard? He wouldn’t know if someone have taken his mobile phone to take those pictures? Common intention? Does abuse need intentions?I feel this is the case of abuse that goes out of hand!

Secondly,many witnesses were missing. I would say this is what happened if you have MONEY and POWER.Since their release, Malaysians have been very unhappy since this is the 3rd high file case with the acqquital of the suspects. I feel our legal system must be something wrong. How can we nation live in peace? The criminals feel that they have their hands in law.

My fellow friends, are you aware that in our legal system, the verdict by jury has been abolished few years ago simply because it will prolong the case.In what way, I do not know. It’s not as if the cases nowadays has been shortened. How many times the trial of a rapist comes after few years and then he only have to be in jail for another few years before he’s a free man? Worst still, it was reported that if the victim can’t remember the date and time properly, it can’t stand as EVIDENCE! I wonder whether they impliment it. A child will surely can’t tell all that. Without the verdict of the seven juries, the verdict is in the hand of the Judge alone and judge only look at the concrete evidences.

My heart goes for the 14-year-old Chinese family. Instead of sending their son for a brighter future in a TRUSTED relative home, they sent their son to death! Which mum would want to see her children die earlier than her and to know that the son’s death were not justified. 

Also why would the Deputy Insp-General of Police only review the case again after the nation voiced out their dissatisfaction? If the newspaper didn’t report the case, I believe it will be another case that criminals walk free without our knowledge just like the murder of the Singaporean woman in a 5-star hotel or the pretty lady of a boutique owner found dead in ‘The Curve’.  Who knows how is the case now?

View this photo 

What could be a better way to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary than having a baby to spend it with us? Not every couples’ ideal idea but yes,we brought our baby for a 3days,2 nights weekend getaway with us to Pangkor Island Beach Resort. I pity him as the journey must be tiring and stressful for him but my husband said he is so lucky to go for a holiday at 3-month-old.

When you have such a young baby tolling along with you, you will create quite an attention. On the jetty,while waiting for hubby to park his car,two ladies offered me a stool to sit at their shop and a paper fan seeing Yiyan crying under the afternoon sun. Then,there was the helpful hotel staff that got us a nearer room to the restaurant.Basically all the staffs there are very friendly and helpful that we enjoyed our stay there,plus the beach is beautiful, the room is very nice and being situated so close to the nature,we have our privacy too except for the monkey that stood at my balcony when i open the door.

Having a baby with us wasn’t easy.First,you can’t expect baby to sit still while both of us enjoy the buffet,being so young,we can’t bring him to the pool.Also we can’t do any activities leaving the baby behind like massaging together, enjoying liquor at club at nights and etc. Guess where is my baby’s shower and pool? the sink!

Even taking ferry wasn’t easy. It was raining when we left and silly me was wearing slipper and the slippery ferry floor made me fell on my butt. Luckily the mother instinct asked me to hold baby tight from falling and while his mother,that’s me aching from the fall,Yiyan was still sound asleep.

Nevertheless, having him around is fun and satisfying.I can’t wait for him to grow older and we can play in the pool and playground together. Oh,and guess what? While daddy didn’t get to meet new friend,Yiyan and mummy found one.Yiyan has a one-year-old boy waving to him while mummy make eye contact with the boy’s mum.

After giving birth, I have some fats to lose and to look good.I need to gain back my life! Many things went through my head. Exercises is a must, body-slimming wear(still considering,very pricy though), dieting(a no-no since i am still breastfeeding) and alas, dancing (yes,I couldn’t believe it). Thanks to Ai Ling, I browse through the website and decided to try Salsa dancing to keep in shape.

I have always like dancing but I have never ever been to any lesson before.Moreover,I felt Salsa is so sexy.Ah, probably still can make the guys eyes turn on a married woman LOL! My husband will be sooo jealous.

I was still doubting when I went to the studio but find myself registering and making full payment,yes I am taking the risk! My lesson is a bit awkward with me dancing with strangers,I felt my whole body stiffling.Hopefully the next few lessons will be better and haha, I will invite you guys to see me dance and moves that body one day!

My grandma is in hospital again! This time she is on drips to cleanse her body system. The waste in her body is poluting her whole body. It seems that she might not drink enough water to cleanse her body.Recently, she had an operation for kidney dyfunction and she has a bag to store her urine.

My grandma has been in and out of hospital so many times it is some sort of routine already. She can’t walked properly and if she walks a bit slower,she can’t control her bowel movements. Now, due to her kidney failure,her whole body itches terribly.

My heart ached when I see her in hospital. She looked as pale as dead. She kept saying she wants to die.She is suffering so much. What is more painful than listening to words of lost hope? I’m lost for words.Luckily,my dad started by saying,"Mother,how come this time u’re so weak.U always say u can go through anything. Are u going to lose this battle then?" I only managed to say," Grandma,u can do it." I find myself automatically massaging her shoulder,hands and legs,something I never did to any of my family member before.She says that even if she went through this time, she will still die anytime soon. That’s the way it is when ppl get old.One by one the body’s organs is failing.

My grandma has been through so much. When her parents divorced,her mom brought two of her sisters back to China while her father married another woman and she has to take care of her step-bros and sisters. When I was younger,I always listens to her stories during World War II where she has to hide from Japanese soldiers,eating tapioca and stuff. She married at young age to my grandpa into a big family and being the elder daughter-in-law,she has to managed everything.She wakes up early to get fire ready with woods to cook and at that time, clothes were boiled and starched. Those were just part of the hardship during the olden days.

The doc came and after inspection,the doc says that she will be well.I see her face lit up and she says that she still can’t die yet. My tears can’t stop flowing. I felt so relieved. My aunt said my grandma has frightened us.

I bet everyone has heard from news that an Indonesian plane went down in Medan killing hundred over ppl in plane and ground. I 1st heard it on my way back from work yesterday over the radio. First thing that gone through my mind…where is my husband now. I am relief he left to Sabah yesterday.

I have forgotten about it until he called me at night telling me that my sis-in-law tried to call him numerous times but can’t get through. She must be so afraid.Well,why not.My husband always travel to every part of Indonesia,mainly Jakarta and Medan and he has been there in Medan so many times that I bet he knows the place so well like his second home.However he assured me that he never goes on an Indonesian plane.

This morning again over the radio,it was reported that there was a Malaysian on that ill fated plane.It then hit me. What if my husband was the one on board.It could be any plane,anywhere.Recently there have been a few plane accidents within four months,one on fire in Toronto,one crash in Peru and even our own MAS airline has problem with engine and was forced to return back to Australia.

Life and death is s’thing we have to face everyday isn’t it? What if one day, someone u love so much just went away like that,without warning,without saying goodbye or ‘I Love U’? Like the the families of the plane that crashed into World Trade Centre on September 11th.I just hope my husband doesn’t travel so much.

I read that pregnancy can cause forgetfulness but I didn’t know that being a newborn mum, not only I am more forgetful now, I also have problem in hearing and seeing as well. It could be that I am breastfeeding my baby and so I am lack of nutritions.LOL ! (finding excuses)

Many times I have problem communicating with my husband. I always misintepret his words and that causes us some arguements.Let me give some examples. Yesterday, my husband sent me to work because we were supposed to watch a concert at night.On the way, he asked whether we will be staying at my parents house but I kept thinking that he wants to go back to our house despite my baby is being cared by my mom. So I answered him annoyedly that baby will be asleep by the time we are back so why want to go back to our house. Patiently, my husband asked me to listen to the sentence again….

Before the concert, we rushed for our dinner and casually walked to the concert hall. I was wondering why there isn’t anybody there despite we being there 10 mins before showtime. There was a man at entrance and he said to us,"There is no show today".I couldn’t believe it. I showed him my tickets and there!!! It shows that the concert is on 23rd September, not 2nd September. Embarrassed,we walked away. My husband asked why he wasn’t angry with me. If he was to make that mistake, I would be so mad but I wasn’t thinking about that. I was angry with myself.

Never ever in my life,I will make that kind of mistake. At that moment, I really hated myself. I, a confident,conscious and observant lady has always been sure of what I am doing and I definately will not be such a blur case. Still not convince, I checked the performance date again online and true enough, the date IS 23rd SEPTEMBER 2005. Did I have my lenses correct? Where on earth did I have the idea that the concert was yesterday? Did I have hallucination? ….and because I thought the concert was yesterday, I rushed to collect the tickets a day earlier from the collection booth. I DESPERATELY NEED SOME HELP!!! (a cry from a desperate housewife hahaha…..) 

So this is my life…after giving birth,i felt as if i was given a new leash of life.With it comes a very big repsonsibility to care and protect this innocent being. It has been so different before this.Being single, life is so easy. Even after married, things are still as usual.

OF PREGNANCY

Tell me I am crazy but I had a feeling I was pregnant the month i got married because I was feeling uneasy and I had weird dreams as if I knew something is growing in my stomach. It may be imagination that there is a soul trying to go into my body to grow into a feutus.One month later my period didn’t come and I bought a pregnancy test kit but the result was very faint. None of my family members believe this including my husband.Few days later,I was down with fever.

My husband wanted to bring me to clinic but i told him to bring me to a gynaecologist and true enough i was pregnant! I was advice not to take any medicine for my fever. That few months,i felt so sick. I felt so tired and nausea. By 3rd month,I was already wearing maternity clothes. Everyone thought I am having twins but the doc assured me there is only one baby and by 4th month, we were told of the sex of the baby.AND so there goes all the weight gains, sleepless nights, body sweating more as the stomach grows and the worst…the strech marks that will never go.

I got plenty of advices from friends,relatives and pregnancy magazines. Apart from eating raw food like sushi, I eat almost anything despite ppl telling me that I can’t eat this and that. The magazines and books help me a lot to understand how my body is changing and what is going on in my womb so I am more prepare to adapt to the changes. I also learnt a lot about what kind of stroller, breast pump, car seat and etc to buy. There are plenty of articles about women going through labour and being a new mum.

OF LABOUR

However,no amount of reading and listening will ever prepare us from experiencing the real labour…and mind u, those yet to be mothers,labour pain is said to be the most painful one by doctors…AND so by 36th week of pregnancy, I was told that my cervic floor has soften and the baby head is already going down but I am not yet dilated. Few days later, I felt uneasy and slight contractions so I went to the clinic again. I was 1cm dilated and doc says my labour will be anytime now to 2 weeks. WOW,that’s hard to predict right?

Again few days later,I felt contractions and VE(varginal examination) was done. I was 3cm dilated and doc thrust the cervic to expedite the process and mind u …that was so painful that the next few times that VE was done, I was so scared and with the doc saying that labour will be 10x more painful, I somehow regretted getting pregnant. I had many occasions where I had Braxton Hicks contraction (a false contractions but it’s doing it’s job to slowly open the cervic) thinking its the real thing. I had my husband bringing me to the clinic at 10.30pm one night only to be told it was still 3cm dilated.

That one whole week is so bad, I was so anxious about giving birth and the stomach is so big, I can’t sleep well, walk, sit and bathe. Again, i went to see the doc and after VE, I had some shows ( brownish spots from cervic) and thought this is it. That day I went to clinic again.There is no contraction yet and my husband and I spent that night in the hospital.It was Father’s Day the next day. There were two newborns and their cries made me wanted to cry too.

The next day,when the doc came to see me I told him to put me on drips only to be refused by him. He explains that if by few hours of drips, the cervic does not open,he needs to operate on me. Of course I don’t want that so again I went home. He assured me that I only had Braxton Hicks contractions and the real one is so pain that I know at it is IT!

My labour came on 21st June 2005, two days after I went home. That morning, I felt very wet. I called the clinic and said that my water might have broken. I was advised to go to the clinic and thinking this might be another false alarm, I didn’t even take my lunch. I was told to undress and I asked the nurse whether I am going to give birth and she said YES! I DIDN"T EVEN HAVE BIG CONTRACTIONS. I called my husband to ruch back from work.

I was put on drips and the nurse said,"Now,the real contractions will come so that u will know how it feels." The doc estimated the labour will be 5 hours time but the pain is so unbearable I told him to give me epidural.Before the anaestatician arrives,I already had my baby delivered in 2 hours,10 mins after on drips. Everyone in the labour room said that was real fast for a first timer. I only felt so relief it was over and estatic to see my baby. The moment doc put him on me, he opens his eyes slightly to look at me and then the nurse brought him away to be cleaned.

There u are. Women, giving birth is such an honourable job and guys,it’s not easy giving birth so please treat your wives well…if not, better.