Beautiful Butterfly

I am now in my second trimester in my pregnancy meaning most of the morning sickness will be gone. My energy is picking up but not for long I expect as the tummy will get bigger and bigger and slow down every movements I make.

The sex of my baby is not known yet, maybe on the next visit but I hope I can keep it a mystery for as long as I can hold. I was too excited and blurted it out to everyone who asked me during my first pregnancy and then regretted. What if my baby wasn’t a boy and people will say that I’m so desperate for a boy. For this one though, many predicted that I’ll have a girl. Maybe I should set a bet with those interested and see what is the outcome. Maybe can earn some extra money!

Suddenly, we heard of babies everywhere. Even celebrities find it a good time to give birth, even before marriage but the celebrities that took the lime lights are the TomKat and Brangelina couples. Britney Spear took the lime light for the wrong reason with the issues involving her son Sean Preston’s not sitting on the car seat and falling from his highchair causing him to have a fracture skull. Then many mums came out to protect Spear as they said which mum has never been careless in taking care of their children? I guess it’s true, my son fell from bed twice and I really felt guilty and bad about not being able to be more careful. I have been following the news as often as I can as I find it close to my heart…getting pregnant, having babies and taking the new role of being a mum.

Don’t really like TomKat couple though as I feel that Tom Cruise is a control freak and he look very fake to me. He and his famous smile is all we see all the time. Kind of pity Katie Holmes, young and innocent ( comparing with other celebrities) and very much lost in her dream of being with her dreamguy. Hasn’t she realised that most dreamguy we had in our early years will make our dreams bad? They are best to remain as dreams.

As for Brangelina couple, many also do not like them as they felt that Brad Pitt is Angelina’s toy boy, being drag along around the world and letting Angelina making most decisions and mostly Angelina is hated for causing the breakup of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston as they are seen as perfect couple. Now, I hated Angelina at first but then you can’t blame it solely on one person for the breakup. Then my hate slowly went away as I see Angelina from different views. I see her as a sexy wild lady but she has the courage to go through pregnancy as most celebrities won’t risk losing their figures for pregnancy. I see her as a loving adopted mother of two children from third world countries as many feared being parents and she’s only 31 now. I see her as United Nation ambassador, using her popularity to divert attention to the problems around the world.

Come on, she is so much younger than Brad Pitt. She is 31, Brad, 42. Surely Brad Pitt is not so stupid to be drag around by her. She must has the charm that Brad admires. Even I am respecting her more. Her decision to move to Namibia to avoid photographers put the small country to the attention to everyone. Imagine giving birth in a small hospital with little equipment instead of choosing sophisticated technologies in the US. Then, after the birth they donated money to two hospitals in Namibia to improve the hospital’s condition and also to a school. Also, knowing that everyone wanted to see baby Shilol Nouvel’s pic and people would do anything to get the shot, why not make the highest bid for the baby’s picture to be donated to the charities? Sigh, such noble cause. If you’ve seen Angelina’s pic taken after birth, she still look as great. Not everyone would have done what they have done. Now, I see them as not just beautiful couple but a beautiful family.

Pregnant ladies have weird dreams all the times I read due to all the changes in bodies and hormones and also due to anxieties and I do admit that I have more dreams than I usually do before pregnant.

Some of the dreams really bothered me especially the few that I dreamt couple of weeks before. The first dream was about being chased by ghost and of all the ghost, it is ‘Sa Sa’ auntie from the Wah Lai Toi 8pm series "Kai Tai Fun Hei". I know it sounded silly but that dream had me screaming myself awake.

The second one was about me being pressured by a group of friends to give poison drink to our guru(sifu) in a bid to kill him. Though my friends all avoided being there during the poisoning, I made them sit there and watched their beloved guru drinking the poison. The saddest part was our guru knew about the poison but he still drink it and it had me crying myself awake.

The worst of it all is the third dream I had that bothered me the most. I was carrying my baby for a walk with my husband when my sis-in-law appeared in no where and insisted that we meet the new parents of the baby that we have given away for adoption. Puzzled, I followed her though I didn’t know what she was talking about. What baby? What adoption? I have my baby with me! I hold the baby that had no resemblance to my baby at all but there is instant mother-child bond we had straightaway. My sis-in-law explained that I had given him away at 6months and poor couple, they can’t have children for years. Still confused, I see them taking my baby away and suddenly I sort of being jerk awake from my confusion and started sreaming and chasing them asking them to give him back to me. I would never have given my child for adoption and at that instant I woke up and seeing my son sleeping a little further away from me, I drew him close and held him tightly.

My friend suggested that I surfed online to see what my dreams were all about and though I checked the dreammoods dictionary with words like ‘abandonement’,'baby’ or ‘giving’, I can’t find the exact meaning to how I was feeling about my dreams.

After pondering for few days about the my third dream, I drew the conclusion that maybe the first baby I held is my second child that I’m bearing right now and the baby I gave away is my first child. Since it was mentioned that our dreams refer to how we actually felt and think, I guess it must be that I was afraid that with the arrival of my second child I might not be able to cope with the responsibilities of motherhood and I was afraid that I might not be able to give as best to either of my children. That must be it…the reason to my dream because I did worried about this issue at the beginning of my second pregnancy. Sigh! I hope I have better dreams next time.