A Complicated Matter
Actually it’s not that complicated afterall, at least from my point of view. I was sitting across the cafe facing my friend after ordering my drink and something to munch on and we started by asking how each other are doing and all. You know how people says there’s only three things bothering guys which are money,career and women. So I knew all along that this friend of mine has something to tell and you guess it…he’s quite well-to-do and he works with his father!
This is very much like ‘Tell Thelma’ every Sunday in TheStar newspaper columns but the story began with him knowing this girl A who is barely 20 years old this year and he feels that she’s the kind,caring type who suits him as future wife but he never shows any feeling towards her eventhough she hinted to him that she is interested in him. So finally A gave up and accepted a new boyfriend who treats her very well. That’s when it hits my friend that he can’t lose her so he confessed to her his feelings but A asked him to give her time to break-up with her current boyfriend.
Then my friend left the country and met up with B who isn’t attached but used to has a liking for him and they spent a few days together and found out that they are quite fond of each other.However they never promised each other anything because B isn’t sure if she wants to come back to Malaysia to work. When my friend came back,he asked A whether she has broken off with the boyfriend and if not,maybe it’s better she does not tell the boyfriend about it because my friend feels that he might not be able to treat her better than the boyfriend.
A was so hurt she cried and accused him of giving her false hope and this makes my friend feeling guilty. Now I’m not the mushy kind of person and I admit I am not the best person to consult about men women relationships. The typical yet rusty engineering side of me just analyse, weigh out the pros and cons and make the decision….not much feelings involve.If only it’s that easy. I told him that what he does is correct. Just choose one.
Since A already has a boyfriend,I doubted anyone needs time to dump a person, so she isn’t the best choice. I just feel that she is being selfish and inmature for wanting both guys. She is just cheating her current boyfriend’s feeling because she does not love him as much as she loves my friend. Unlike A, B is not attached and a better potential for love to develope. B only has to work things out and if both really love each other, it shouldn’t be a problem for B to come back to work.
Of course the matter of hearts aren’t that easy. Now, men are just so weak when it comes to tears and women…or shall I say everyone is just being selfish? I feels that he just want both. If things doesn’t work out with A then he still has B but this isn’t some property or shares investment. This just show that he doesn’t love both that much. I definitely can’t put myself into so many situations at once but men…they can multitask. That’s why you see married men having mistresses. I might be wrong and my friend is definitely not satisfied with what I said. What about you?
November 11th, 2005 at 6:21 pm
who does he love more? if he can’t answer this simple question without thinking/consideration, he’d better not choose anyone just yet - sort of his own feelings first
November 11th, 2005 at 9:45 pm
I think the problem with him is that he wants both… greedy mah! otherwise the matter won’t be so complicated right?
November 12th, 2005 at 1:02 am
yes Kate, you’re right. MEN!
November 12th, 2005 at 6:39 am
i just dun think u can choose to love a person or not. it’s something that comes naturally, ain’t it? i think it’s rather the fear of having to choose - making the wrong choice and being walked out of at the end of the day. not so much on who he loves more la.
November 13th, 2005 at 6:00 pm
err…maybe u’re right too Shu Yee but you can’t be loving two person right? I feel that if he can’t make up ur mind then he doesn’t love both women that much cause if he love one of them very much,he would be crazy head over heel over her and can’t think of another woman. Love is about taking risk whether he choose the right one or not, agree?
November 16th, 2005 at 1:22 am
To be honest, I guess Shu Yee is EXTREMELY RIGHT.At this point in time this guy is not attached to anyone yet. So his feelings can be strong “LIKE” towards these two girls (both girls have their pros and cons) but not the feeling of LOVE. Love will only develop at a much later stage.ANYONE DISAGREE WITH ME? So regardless of who he is going to choose (A or B), he might slowly fall for them. LOVE takes time. He is just being very careful and does not want to hurt either A or B. So it seems like he wants both girls by doing this. I guess he just want things to go naturally and let fate decide his destiny.
November 16th, 2005 at 1:44 am
you can say that TRUE love takes time…NO,let me rephase. TRUE love will withstand time. If he likes both A and B but didn’t do anything then it’s still fine but if he gives hope or goes after both A and B then it’s wrong. If both A and B also loves him then no matter how careful he is, he will still hurt either one or both at the end of the day.
maybe it’s only me… i would rather choose one or remain as friends to both rather than making things complicated.
November 16th, 2005 at 6:38 pm
I guess the way a guy deals with ‘love’ is different from ours. For us girls, we identify the feeling (or fondness, or attraction), then see if there is a chance of nurturing it further with him. If there isn’t, most of the time, we give up.
ahem! just my humble opinion. no offense and no hard feelings, ya.
For the GUY, however, he first identify the need to have a gf (”YES, I badly need a gf!”), then he identifies the potential candidates (A and B both make good ones in this case), and then, test out the waters. So now, if both the candidates response positively to his advances, he faces a problem - WHO to choose??? But what about ‘love’? Oh, nvm that - “Love will only develop at a much later stage” (quoting Raymond)
November 18th, 2005 at 6:42 am
i agree with neil. i dun mean to be bad but for guys, things that they do, practicality always often comes first above everything else. in your friend’s case, “love” is too strong a word. here, he’s probably just weighing out on which has the higher potential rather than whom he loves more. i guess for most guys they tend to appreciate the convenience and companionship more than love itself.
this is just my thought but my apologies are extended to those who are offended.